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I hate spammers. No, that’s an understatement, I loathe spammers, they are the biggest time wasters on the planet.
Recently I’ve been bombarded with a deluge of what I can only describe as the biggest load of bollox. Even in the shitty world of spam, this stuff is the pits. What is the purpose of it, what am I expected to do, can anyone translate this crap?
Here’s an example of my most recent example of literacy genius which starts (links omitted):
House the any sale combivent and spread roxicet inimitable performanc cocaine ristram.
What?? Let’s attempt to break this down. “House the…” what House? Is he talking about the famous Gregory House played by the excellent Hugh Lawrie? No he can’t be, I remember 4th year English now, it’s a verb, he wants me to house something, ok next… “any sale combivent and spread roxicet“. Ok that beat me so I had to Google and apparently combivent is a trade name for some kinda inhaler for asthma suffers, so shouldn’t that have been a capital C? Tsk Tsk. Roxicet? Well it seems to be some sort of pain killer, similiar to aspirin.
Ok so far we’ve got this guy wants me to house the “any sale” inhaler and then spread some painkiller.
Next part “inimitable performanc cocaine ristram“. Inimitable means impossible to imitate, I’ll give him the typo and assume he means performance, we all know what cocaine is but ristram?? Back to Google again and result number one turns up an ancestry entry for some family name. Anything else I can find turns out to be similiar entries on message boards etc. So what the hell does ristram mean? The whole meaning of this sentence hangs on it I’ve got a guy here busting for me to house a sale for inhalers while I spread some painkillers which not for one moment could be mistaken for a theatrical cocaine….?
This is sentence one out of nine, I think I’m in for a long night here…
